WHY TRUEBLOOD SUCKS HARDER THAN A HORNY VAMP

Yeah, I said it. Trueblood sucks... hard. Now this isn't coming from some outside observer, mind you. I've been a faithful viewer since the first episode. The show had so much potential, so many ways they could have taken the show to incredible heights...... bleh, I'm rambling.

Trueblood isn't the worst show on television, and it's not irreparable. There are just a few places where the show has strayed, and with a few little nudges, I think it can get right back on track. I'll tell all about it after the jump.

Now I understand that the book series is populated by a ridiculous amount of supernatural creatures - vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies, shape shifters, were... panthers? Evil voodoo juju demons... even demigods from Greek mythology.... all seem to have a hard on for a tiny little Louisiana town called Bon Temps.

The amount of supernatural traffic running through this town is staggering, and the poor human inhabitants (if there are any left - seems they always turn out to be monsters) keep getting killed off! There's just... too... many... monsters.

Now creating storyline for all of these monsters eats up a lot of show time, then on TOP of that, every single second and third string character on the show is now suddenly front and center with a major plotline running through the show! Stop it, Trueblood, stop it! I'll give you an example. For the past two seasons, Arlene Fowler and Terry Bellefleur have had major parts in the series. Both are third string characters. Terry is fascinating as the quiet and odd Iraq war veteran that you just can't seem to figure out. There was no need to expand so broadly on that character... at all.

They just found out what's happening to them NEXT season

Now for Lafayette. I love Lafayette's character, I really do. He was a sassy and clever second string character who was able to express to the other characters what the audience was thinking. Making Lafayette a psychic medium was also an interesting twist. He is second string, after all, and worthy of some development, but they overused the character and stole a lot of his magic. Now, toward the end of season five they pulled back on him somewhat and he's regained some of those characteristics that made him magical. That I like. Take the hint, Trueblood. Too many main characters make too many convoluted stories intermixing and causing an hour of "What the hell did I just watch?"...

Nice hat.

Can I ask you a personal question, Trueblood? Puppet to TV show? Why do you hate werewolves so much? Werewolves have always been my favorite monsters. They are so vicious and unrelenting. Even the mighty Dracula feared losing control over the wolf man... so why did you go and turn werewolves into grubby, weak ass junkie hicks who will sit up and beg for the slightest drop of high octane vampire blood?

Sit, Ubu. Sit... Good dog.

What the HELL did you do to my monsters? NO ONE in that show is the slightest bit intimidated by Alcide (Alcide???) or any of his other brethren. Werewolves are the joke monsters of Trueblood, second only to the werepanthers.... werepanthers.... werepanthers.....

Now on to the vampires... the supposed central figures of the show... I've always enjoyed vampire politics. Vampires are so devious and conniving, it's wonderful. I love hearing how they kept to the shadows for eons while still developing a governing vampire body and a set of laws that all must abide by, lest they be sentenced to the "true death"...

That just sounds exciting, doesn't it? It's even exciting when a powerful elder vampire like Russell decides he just wants to feed on humans indiscriminately... but when a whole branch of the vampire government decides that it's gonna eat all the humanzes... I just don't get it.

Vampires are devious and evil, but they aren't stupid... at all. Suppose they succeed in eating up all of humanity, what then? It makes no logical sense... but I'm sure I'm nitpicking on this point.

I won't touch on the fact that the show runners use ANY opportunity to show nudity as often as possible on the show. Whatever health regimen they are using on the show is mind blowing. The cast looks freaking amazingly fit. They should package their plan and sell it... give P90X a run for its money. I mean even Andy Bellefleur's looking pretty solid this season. It's stupid crazy.

We work out...

Ok, my last gripe and then I'll hand the podium over to those waiting to lynch me.

There is an issue I've noticed with shows that are kind of weak in the planning stages and lose sight of where they are going after a while and suddenly these characters that are nobodies end up king of the ever-loving universe.

I blame George Lucas... Star wars- a farm boy ends up destroying an oppressive empire's most powerful weapon, becomes an all powerful sage, while his friends suddenly become generals, the princess is suddenly his sister, bad guy his dad, and he is the one who ultimately has to face the ultimate evil and save the galaxy.... sorry if I spoiled the movie for anyone...

Well, I usually see this sort of thing on sci fi shows: somewhat on Star Trek the Next Generation, more so on Deep Space Nine. Heavily on Babylon 5... And then in horror shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but heavily on Angel. If you know these shows, you'll know what I'm referring to, but we're talking Trueblood here.

Bill Compton... is a good old boy from the 1800's. In the broad scheme of things, he's actually a pretty young (and therefore weak) vampire... how the HELL does he end up as "King of Louisiana", much LESS some "Chosen One" who's suddenly running the whole freaking' vampire government. Two seasons ago he didn't even LIKE being a vampire!!!

So... those are s few of the things that HBO should deal with if the want Trueblood to continue being a success... oh yeah, HBO recently announced that they have no plans to end the show any time soon.... *sigh*